Why I am Afraid to be Thin

My weight loss journey has been, in some ways, abysmally slow.  I’m pretty sure I am averaging one pound a month lost.  At this rate it will take another almost two years to get to my goal weight.  At the very least I may learn some patience by the time this is over!

Another thing I’ve learned is that weight loss is many times psychological as much as it is physical.  As I get closer to 150 (1.5 more pounds to go) it has become harder and harder to lose the weight.  I realized that 150 is the weight I have been most of my adult life – the weight I find myself most comfortable at emotionally. But why?

picture of a teenage girl with title Why Am I Afraid to Be Thin?

For me, it comes down to attention.  At a certain weight, I become just another nondescript mom that blends into the crowd.  I don’t have to worry about wearing makeup or saying the right thing.  I disappear in a crowd of people and that’s okay with me.  I know this may seem difficult to believe since I regularly throw up my innermost thoughts on this blog, but I really am a very shy person.  My family likes to say I have a pathological fear of attention.

I have decided to redouble my efforts.  If I can write a blog and even start writing a book, then I can lose the fear of being thin too.  I want to be healthy and to look good more than I want crispy chicken skin (I do love chicken skin.)  So I ordered some new exercise videos and started tracking my food again (I’m close on calories, but lately the quality of food I’ve been eating has gone downhill). I figured out how to cheat and not gain weight.  Which means I’m not getting the nutrition I need.  So bye bye chicken skin and hello boneless, skinless, chicken breasts.  Bye Bye Cheez-its and hello carrot sticks with hummus.  Bye bye 150s and hello 140s. I will see you very soon!!

Oh – and today’s my birthday!!!!

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5 thoughts on “Why I am Afraid to be Thin

  1. When I was in Nursing school, my nutrition professor ( a PHD in nutrition ) told us that the body has a number built in that it is happy with , thats why we find ourselves unable to go or stay below a certain weight. It programmed in us.
    I have found this to be true in my own life. I have been overweight most of my adult life. I have yoyo-ed up and down but the weight loss never sticks. I would get down to 160 and then nothing. gain it back, then go down to 160 and nothing. This has always been my pattern. at 160 pounds I wore a size 12. And I looked good in my clothes. to me weight as a number means nothing. its how you feel and look at yourself that matters.

  2. Sorry, I am having trouble figuring out my kindle fire and I finally abut off the correction feature as it refused to take the word blog and put boobs instead and that is a totally different subject 🙂 Anyway Teressa, thanks again for writing and I hope you had a Happy Birthday and I also wish you the courage to start hour book because I know you can do it and I will be your first customer. Just got my book Insight and can’t wait to start it! Love ya. Auntie D

  3. Wow, reading your blog is so amazing and I have figured out why after reading today’s blog. I can relate to it, I could have written the blog myself (although not as well). From about the age of 55 on…its me and my weight and ups and downs with it etc. When I was thin I never went anywhere without makeup etc. I thought I had to “perform” a cerain way. Now I do my best but don’t want anyone to “see” me. So every time I lose a few pounds, I realize I binge on icecream and cake for example, starting the bad food problem all over again. But realizing the problem and getting over it are 2
    Just knowing someone i know is having the same problem helps me
    relate to the situation better, instead of telling myself ” i am weak minded”. If i can go cold turkey on smoking after 30 years i should be a.le to do this. Thanks Teressa

  4. I am with you here Teresa! Good luck and keep chugging along! It can be so hard but when you are doing the right things for yourself it feels great.

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