Where I’ve Been

Welcome to my new readers, and welcome back to my loyal followers!!  Wondering where I’ve been the past six months?  Boy, do I have stories to tell you!!

I’m back in the accounting world, because, well, money.  But look, I have my own office, with a door that shuts!!  My coworkers are very nice, and I enjoy the work.

Around the time I started my job, soon after my last blog post, I realized that I had put myself in a dangerous position. I was suicidal, and had not told anyone about it.  I confessed to Art and Devin.   They both promised that they would check in with me daily to make sure of how I was doing.  I also made an appointment with a psychiatrist.

It took me a month to get that appointment.  I gave the psychiatrist a compressed history and told him what was going on in my head (nightmares, extreme anxiety, crying jags, suicidal thoughts and what I have always called “panic attacks”).

The psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD, depression and anxiety. He also told me that the experiences I was calling “panic attacks” were actually dissociative episodes and that my normal daily experiences were probably one or more actual panic attacks per day. He prescribed an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety med.

At some point, I hope to be able to talk about the events that caused my PTSD.  For the time being, it is still a bit too painful to relive, and I also feel the need (for some reason) to protect my abuser.

My therapist has been amazing.  She has a lot of helpful tips, and is helping me to realize my own worth.  I am feeling more positive about the future.

Do you ever feel like you don’t belong?

and everyone stops you from singing your song?

What “they” think is right, you think is wrong?

Welcome to depression.

One of the things my therapist recommended is that I start writing again.  She said I am a good writer, who is excellent at conveying emotion.  She inspired me to re-start the blog.

I won’t be blogging about depression all the time.  As usual, the blog is about things that relate to my life, whether it’s my favorite things, or relationships, or cooking & crafts.

Thank you for listening.  <3 <3 <3