My weight loss journey has been, in some ways, abysmally slow. I’m pretty sure I am averaging one pound a month lost. At this rate it will take another almost two years to get to my goal weight. At the very least I may learn some patience by the time this is over!
Another thing I’ve learned is that weight loss is many times psychological as much as it is physical. As I get closer to 150 (1.5 more pounds to go) it has become harder and harder to lose the weight. I realized that 150 is the weight I have been most of my adult life – the weight I find myself most comfortable at emotionally. But why?
For me, it comes down to attention. At a certain weight, I become just another nondescript mom that blends into the crowd. I don’t have to worry about wearing makeup or saying the right thing. I disappear in a crowd of people and that’s okay with me. I know this may seem difficult to believe since I regularly throw up my innermost thoughts on this blog, but I really am a very shy person. My family likes to say I have a pathological fear of attention.
I have decided to redouble my efforts. If I can write a blog and even start writing a book, then I can lose the fear of being thin too. I want to be healthy and to look good more than I want crispy chicken skin (I do love chicken skin.) So I ordered some new exercise videos and started tracking my food again (I’m close on calories, but lately the quality of food I’ve been eating has gone downhill). I figured out how to cheat and not gain weight. Which means I’m not getting the nutrition I need. So bye bye chicken skin and hello boneless, skinless, chicken breasts. Bye Bye Cheez-its and hello carrot sticks with hummus. Bye bye 150s and hello 140s. I will see you very soon!!
Oh – and today’s my birthday!!!!