Okay, so I am up 2 pounds total, which means a total weight loss of 23 pounds instead of 25.  Does that mean the next time I get to 25 pounds lost I can celebrate again? LOL

A lot has happened in my life since I last posted a weight loss update in April.  We had to sell our house of 19 years in a short sell, Bud graduated high school, we moved into our rental house and Art went back to school.  All of that stress means I have felt very lucky to just “maintain.”

But I am trying to get back on track.  I have eliminated almost all the snacky/desserty foods from the house and brought in lots of fresh fruits and veggies.  Boo and I are walking as many days as possible and I am building up to run/walk 5k by Thanksgiving.  I have also started strength training again.  I was very happy to find that I haven’t forgotten how to do squats!!

In addition to my beloved Sparkpeople, I am also trying out a program run by Pete Cohen, the British Weight Loss Guru.  That’s the name of his program at weightlossguru.com.  Pete has a lot of motivational videos, weekly interviews with other weight loss experts, and tons of resources on the website.  It really helped me to stay focused during all of my recent life transitions and I am looking forward to using the program to actually help me lose weight.

So I’ll check back in with you in a couple of months and let you know how things are going.

Any challenges you are facing right now?  How are you handling them?

I received a complimentary three month membership to Weight Loss Guru for the purposes of review.  All opinions are 100% my own.

So, I’m actually a pound up from my last post, but I’m happy.

In Sparkpeople, we talk about something called an NSV.  NSV stands for non-scale victory.  So here are few of my non-scale victories for the past two weeks.

• I’m out of mom jeans!!  Tried on some mid-rise (right below the belly button) Tommy Hilfigers in a size 10 and they fit!!  And Boo (who was shopping with me) said they looked really good!! Can’t afford to buy them yet, but baby, they’re mine as soon as I have the cash!!
• This is freggie week and I’m up to six servings of freggies a day!! (For you non-Sparkers, a freggies are fruits and vegetables.)
• We’re back up to 3 days a week of walking.
• I tried a new food and found out I love curry (although Art is not a fan).

I would love to hear of any weight loss victories or NSVs you have had this week!! Please feel free to share in the comments below.

So it took six weeks, but I lost the two pounds I gained back plus one more!! So now I can officially say I am 25 pounds lost!!  Only 21 pounds to go!!

A few things that have made a difference:

1. Extreme stress.  Sorry, I know it’s not a good way to lose weight, but extreme stress is definitely contributing to me having less of an appetite.
2. Packing.  Moving around a lot of boxes and packing up the house turns out to be exercise!!
3. Leadership – I took on the role of leader for one of my Sparkpeople teams.  Being a leader and trying to set a good example has given me an extra level of accountability that I definitely needed.  I love my Casual Travellers 5% Spring Challenge Team!!  We have learned not to push ourselves too hard, but to do the best that we can and most importantly to TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES!!!

So, as you can see, I am still moving (albeit very slowly) in the right direction.  And that makes me more confident that I will eventually reach my goal.

What makes a difference for you in your weight loss journey?

My weight loss journey has been, in some ways, abysmally slow.  I’m pretty sure I am averaging one pound a month lost.  At this rate it will take another almost two years to get to my goal weight.  At the very least I may learn some patience by the time this is over!

Another thing I’ve learned is that weight loss is many times psychological as much as it is physical.  As I get closer to 150 (1.5 more pounds to go) it has become harder and harder to lose the weight.  I realized that 150 is the weight I have been most of my adult life – the weight I find myself most comfortable at emotionally. But why?

For me, it comes down to attention.  At a certain weight, I become just another nondescript mom that blends into the crowd.  I don’t have to worry about wearing makeup or saying the right thing.  I disappear in a crowd of people and that’s okay with me.  I know this may seem difficult to believe since I regularly throw up my innermost thoughts on this blog, but I really am a very shy person.  My family likes to say I have a pathological fear of attention.

I have decided to redouble my efforts.  If I can write a blog and even start writing a book, then I can lose the fear of being thin too.  I want to be healthy and to look good more than I want crispy chicken skin (I do love chicken skin.)  So I ordered some new exercise videos and started tracking my food again (I’m close on calories, but lately the quality of food I’ve been eating has gone downhill). I figured out how to cheat and not gain weight.  Which means I’m not getting the nutrition I need.  So bye bye chicken skin and hello boneless, skinless, chicken breasts.  Bye Bye Cheez-its and hello carrot sticks with hummus.  Bye bye 150s and hello 140s. I will see you very soon!!

Clip art courtesy of DailyClipArt.net

Oh – and today’s my birthday!!!!

So, I’m up 2 pounds this week.  And I’m not thrilled.  But I do know what happened and I learned some lessons to take with me on this journey.

It started last Sunday – Superbowl Sunday.  I went into it a little cocky, I was down a pound and a half and feeling like I had the magic formula.  I knew before we got to the party that there was going to be a lot of junk food and I thought about bringing a salad with lean chicken for myself so I wouldn’t be so tempted, but talked myself out of it.  Instead I had cocktail smokies with bacon, cocktail smokies in crescent rolls and mini corn dogs, nachos, crackers, some deep fried cheese, and a deep fried olive. Had soup for dinner and took a nice long walk, but still.  Next year I bring a salad.  Or a veggie tray.

The next day was our 24th wedding anniversary.  I fully intended to have Jamba Juice for dinner – we both love it – and we had eaten so crappy the day before.  But I shortchanged my calories on breakfast and lunch and by dinner I was so hungry I ate a french dip with a big side of french fries, plus a glass of wine and 2 glasses of champagne.  Ay yai yai – maybe it’s water weight?

I’ve been in a lot of pain all week, so no workouts.  Woke up Wednesday morning in a good mood and ready to take it all on, then for some reason my mood absolutely tanked.  I guess it’s like carrying a load around that’s too much for you, but you’re managing it and then someone throws a penny on top.  It’s just a penny, right?  No big deal.  Except that one penny makes the entire load impossible to bear.  The straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.  I have spent more time crying in the past two days than in the entire 3 years before.  Even so, Wednesday managed to eat pretty healthy and not too much.  Tried to get in a long walk,  but Art and I got in an argument so we cut the walk short (not fun to walk with someone you’re mad at.)

Yesterday I shortchanged myself on calories again, probably because when I’m that sad I either don’t want to eat at all or want to eat everything.  For dinner, two bowls of macaroni and cheese with leftover cocktail smokies, followed by some Cheez-its (don’t go shopping sad) and some fresh cookie dough.  Maybe we should all be surprised that I’m only up two pounds.
So, comfort food aside, today is a NEW DAY, a better day, and the nice thing about a lifestyle change is that I don’t have to start my diet over, because I’m not on a diet.  I just need to pick up where I left off in my weight loss journey and keep moving along that road.  And it will probably take a little longer to get there now, but that’s okay, because like I said, I learned some lessons.  I have new tools for my arsenal.
What are your tricks for managing parties and junk food?

One of the things I’ve learned in my weight loss journey is that weight loss is about so much more than putting down the fork and picking up a jump rope.  For me, a lot of being able to lose the weight has been about learning forgiveness and forgetting fear, which I have mentioned in previous blogs (see  No Punishment; No Fear).One resource that has helped me in this process is A Course in Weight Loss.  It’s a little new-agey, but putting that aside, there are some excellent points. Chapter 2 of the book asks the reader to write a letter from their thin self to their “not-so-thin” self and vice versa.  Here are my letters:

Dear Not-So-Thin Me,

I am so grateful to you for the protection you gave me and for the comfort you found for me when life was more than I could handle.

But now I’ve learned that I am so much stronger than I thought I was.  I don’t need to hide behind a layer of fat anymore and I don’t need the comfort that you provide.  These days I turn to God, my family and my friends.  I have learned that talking it out is so much healthier than stuffing it in.

This summer, instead of covering up in baggy pedal pushers and a big T-shirt, I’ll be cooling off in shorts and a tank top!  I’ll complete my 5k!!

The truth is I just don’t have time to indulge you.  I’m too busy working on my blog to think about snacking.  So give it up and realize that you have almost become me – the thin me you always wished you could be.

Dear Thin Me,

Be patient with me, would you?  I know we’re halfway there and it’s very exciting.  But it’s also scary.  What if people start paying attention to me?  I hope you’re strong enough to handle it. Give me time to deal with my trust issues.  If we do this at a nice slow pace I think I can keep up.

Oh, and an update:  I am now down 23 pounds.  I am officially halfway toward my weight loss goal!!  Huzzah!!!

For Part 1 GO HERE

By the beginning of 2009, Art and I both realized our business was failing (see A Business Lost).  We ewere short on employees, working 10-12 hour days just trying to keep it afloat.  For lunch, we would run to one of the myriad fast food restaurants nearby and grab whatever we wanted.  I love to cook, but during this time I was so tired when we got home that we usually resorted to more fast food or take out.  Sometimes we wouldn’t eat dinner until 9 or 10 pm.

We closed the doors on our golf shop on May 31, 2009 and I fell into a depression.  I had two small part-time jobs that I went to faithfully, but most of the rest of the time I slept.  Or ate.  At my heaviest, in January 2010, I weighed 176 pounds.  I hadn’t been on a scale in months and was shocked.  It’s funny that when you look at yourself in a mirror everyday, you often miss the changes that are happening to your body.  I knew I was up to a size 12 (tight), but I didn’t realize how much weight I had put on.

I decided to go back to Sparkpeople.  Started hot and heavy with Wii exercises and the treadmill and tracked my food faithfully for the first 3 months.  By March I had lost 11 pounds.  Then I caught a bad cold and lost my momentum.  I think it was because I had never really been an active participant in the teams.  Sparkteams are a way to connect with people in a similar situation to yours and to find and give motivation.  I have always been so shy that it was difficult for me to reach out to people I had never met. I fell off the wagon again and was back up five pounds by the end of the year.

January 2011 I went back to Sparkpeople this time at 170 pounds.  I knew I had to do things differently – I just wasn’t sure how.  The first thing I saw when I signed in was the New Year, New You challenge.  Those who signed up for the challenge committed to exercising for at least 500 minutes during the month, as well as following Coach Nicole’s short exercise videos (usually strength training) and tracking our food a few days a week.  Nothing huge, but it did feel doable.

I also found a team that was reading the book A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson.  This 21 week  study really helped me to see that my issues with food came from fears and resentments I had built up inside me over the years.  As I have found a way to let the bitterness go it has become much easier to find other sources of comfort than food.  I also bonded with the ladies in the group and finally understood the benefit of Sparkteams.  When the New Year, New You challenge was over I immediately joined another challenge to keep me accountable (currently I am participating in the Winter 5% challenge – Go Teddy Bears!!).  I also found a couple of teams that had similar interests/concerns to me.  I make sure to check in on Sparkpeople every day – even just to talk to others if I don’t feel like exercising.  Over the course of 2011 I lost another 15 pounds for a total of 21.   I finally feel like I have found the right formula for a healthy lifestyle.

I haven’t given anything up – I don’t crave many of the foods I used to turn to comfort, but when I feel like I want to have them I do – just in carefully controlled portions.  And I don’t feel guilty when I see other people losing weight at a much faster pace than I am.  I just remind myself that I am getting there slowly but surely, and as the turtle said, “Slow and steady wins the race.”

Me - March 2010

Me - October 2011

I weighed 112 pounds on the day Art and I were married in 1988, which is a bit on the low side for my height. I really wasn’t watching what I ate, but I was riding my bike every day, walking when I could, and never ate much for dinner anyway. Also, I had essentially stopped eating for the 3 days prior to the wedding, so within a month afterwards I was back up to my normal 120.

I have never been a gym rat and was pretty agoraphobic the first few years of our marriage.  I pretty much gave up on exercise during that time, although I would occasionally go to the gym with Art to play racquetball.  Over the next few years my weight went up to 135.

After the births of my boys I stabilized around 140 and was quite happy at that weight for another 7 years, taking regular walks with Art and occasionally attempting the gym.  I knew I had gained weight, but I still liked how I looked in clothes and was so busy running after two little boys that it never occurred to me I was out of shape.

In October 2001 Art was recalled to active duty in the Air Force.  Fortunately, he was never sent into a combat area, but he was gone from home more frequently than before.  I turned to comfort food more than ever.  Cheetos, Cheez-its, Velveeta shells and cheese, popcorn with lots of butter, tortilla chips with queso dip and Nestle’ King Size Triple Chocolate cones were my favorite.  One one of Art’s overseas trips I gained 10 pounds in 2 weeks.  By 2003 I was up to 155 pounds.

Art & I on Alaska cruise 2004

I decided it was time to get serious about losing weight  However, I still didn’t see the benefit of exercise.  I was still walking one or two days a week with Art and doing crunches whenever I felt guilty (not that often) but that was about it.  Family Circle magazine published an insert based on their Eat What You Love and Lose diet and I decided to try it.  I learned some new recipes and some easy ways to track calories and lost 2o pounds.  Back to 135!! I was ecstatic.

That fall I was diagnosed with high blood pressure.  Not just high – ridiculously high.  How could that be when I was at a healthy body weight?  I had no family history of heart disease.  I started on two different kinds of blood pressure medicine. It never occurred to me that lack of exercise might be part of the problem.

In June 2005, Art and I opened our golf shop.  I was so busy running back and forth and up and down the stairs and moving boxes, not to mention doing the books and manning the cash register during busy times, while still homeschooling Bud, that I was pretty much able to eat whatever I wanted.  I was so stressed I went right back to my comfort foods.  I didn’t gain any weight, but I certainly wasn’t healthy.  As business and life stabilized the weight slowly started to creep back up.

Christmas 2007 brought a brand new treadmill and soon after that I discovered Sparkpeople.  For a few months I used the website to track my exercise, learned some new strength training exercises and some more new recipes.  For the first time since high school I attempted pushups!!  In May of 2008 when I had a partial  hysterectomy I was very glad for all the exercising I had done. I was back to work in a week with one of the fastest recovery times the doctor had ever seen. By July it was too hot to exercise indoors or out (no air conditioning, except in the bedroom) so I gradually fell out of the habit.

To be continued on Friday, January 13…